Just a quick update to let everyone know that my fourth of six chemotherapy sessions is in the books. It was fairly uneventful, but it really laid me out for a few days. Went in on Thursday morning, and I pretty much was laid out on one sofa or another until Sunday night. But aside from a trippy migraine, it was pretty much just exhaustion, and not nasty side effects. They said the tiredness would seem worse with later treatments, and that seems so. John can attest that if the Cubs can lose eight in a row, or whatever it is now, and I don’t even bother to curse, I must be tired. For a while on Sunday, breathing itself seemed like a chore.
But I continue to be amazed at how rapidly I start feeling better, when I start feeling better. On Friday, I was too messed up to even dance once at our school’s Big Band dance. I made it through Matthew’s 1-mile race on Saturday morning, but just barely. Doing a load of laundry seemed like a worthwhile task for an entire day. But now, it’s Wednesday, and I am getting all sorts of pre-vacation chores done and feeling pretty normal. The human body’s powers of recovery really are something.
Continued thanks to all of you guys for your prayers and well-wishes. I continue to be very lucky (or blessed) in terms of all the things that are NOT going wrong. I have friends who are also fighting breast cancer, and from them I hear of all sorts of miserable, disgusting, and terrifying things that can happen. So far, I’ve been hugely fortunate. I haven’t had bone pain, or incorrigible diarrhea, or swollen limbs, or severe eye trouble, or nausea. Just been laid out on the couch, is all.
My oldest brother was treated for colon cancer six years ago. (He’s doing well now.) He went through a lot of those horrific side-effects. At one point, I think he would tell you, he was in physical agony. He actually ripped a bathroom sink off the wall with his bare hands, he was in such pain. That is the sort of experience I expected I would also have to endure, but I have had none of that. I have a pill that turned my version of his problem into a minor inconvenience at worst. When I do get a side-effect, such as crazy eye watering so that I can’t see, the wonder nurses often have a simple answer: in my case, take some vitamin B6. Problem not solved completely, but much, much improved. So thank God for all those cancer researchers and fundraisers and oncology nurses who have been busy the past few years! I salute you.
From a scientific viewpoint, I wish I could describe properly what this stoned-ness has been like. It’s not a pleasant buzz, like having a glass of wine too many. Space and dimension are messed up. This is why I will NOT drive while I’m whacked. The kitchen table seems very low of a sudden. The bathroom seems very large. And music sounds different. I can tell I’m messed up when I don’t bother to turn on the music. And I can tell I’m back when the music sounds good again. Very, very strange.
My biggest challenge this week is keeping my head together. We have a daughter graduating middle school and a near-daughter graduating high school. Between the emotions of everyone splitting off to go to different schools, and the slide shows featuring adorable three-year-olds who have suddenly become young women, it is hard to keep it together. Add to that all the angst about mortality, time passing quickly, thoughts on the existence of God, and so forth, it’s hard to keep the mind from whipping around a little too fast. A little bit of mental whiplash going on, but that might be the point for this season. Looking forward to a glass of wine with friends at UBQ this Friday more than I can say!
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